lofiallstar

Gig Report / Night of the Living Dead

2007-02-05T10:26:58Z

Played a gig with the soul band on Saturday night (this is the WMC / Social Club where we rehearse). Aside from some technical difficulties the guitarist had and the occasional slip, we played pretty well.

However, the audience were shit. While I'm not the most experienced of musicians, I've probably played nigh-on 100 gigs (excluding classical concerts), and I've *never* played to a more disinterested audience. There were only two moments which reminded us we weren't actually playing a morgue - "Do You Love Me" (as featured in the motion picture "Dirty Dancing") got some girls up on the dancefloor, and then later on some old women got up and line danced.

Yes, as in the stetson-wearing, yee-haaing, sister-fucking country and western style of dance. To 60's and 70's soul and blues. Every time the bassist and I caught each others eyes, we collapsed in barely-hidden fits of laughter. This wasn't helped by our singer's sister suggesting that we play some Billy Ray Cyrus.

At the end of the day, we got paid to play music, which is nice, but the singer (who's played there before) said afterwards it was like that last time too, which makes me wonder why we did it.

Ho-hum - next gig's Valentine's day in Reading. Could be interesting. Still, most of my mates are single, so should have a decent enough audience :)

Tremble, insignificant scum!

2007-02-02T10:58:16Z

Your results:
You are Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom		88%
Apocalypse		76%
Lex Luthor		74%
Juggernaut		69%
Magneto		67%
Green Goblin		57%
Two-Face		57%
Dark Phoenix		55%
Venom		55%
Kingpin		51%
The Joker		50%
Catwoman		45%
Riddler		44%
Mr. Freeze		42%
Poison Ivy		38%
Mystique		37%

Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

In other news, I just got a new Motorola K-RZR. I don't care what anyone says about the interface. This thing is a work of art :)

Margins of Error

2007-01-31T15:12:44Z

Slight Dating inaccuracy of flightless Terror bird.

I'm not a paleontologist or anything, but there's surely quite a difference between a fossil being 10,000 years and 2 million years old?

Just picturing that bint from Silent Witness telling the cops "Yes, this person was clearly killed at some point yesterday... or possibly last May."

A useful link

2007-01-18T15:00:29Z

Complain to OFCOM about Celebrity Big Brother.

Before any of you say it, I don't watch it either (I saw a bit of the one that Jack Dee was in. That was quite funny). However, this strikes me as a really good opportunity to get BB off the TV. I'm not saying that C4 will replace it with quality television, but it can't be any worse, can it?

My irony meter just broke.

2007-01-12T11:43:45Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6189517.stm

So, they're being released from Guantanamo, but the US won't repatriate them because the US has concerns about their countries' human-rights records...?

Now, if only they had lasers.

2006-10-16T10:22:21Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/6053232.stm

Now, the interesting bit about this story is not that Dubai may or may not be using child slaves as jockeys. The interesting bit is that the UAE use:

ROBOT JOCKEYS!!!!!

Bum

2006-09-19T10:35:55Z

Got an email from singist last night - our bass player's leaving the band.

I know I carp about the band a fair bit (I can't remember ever playing in a band I was completely happy with, so it's as likely me as the band), but I was pretty charged up after a good gig a few weeks ago, and was looking forward to gigging again.

He's a really nice guy (and a really solid player) and I'll be very sorry to see him leave.

Oh well.

Will probably blog about the holiday I've just got back from another time, but in short, it was great.

...Not with a bang but a whimper

2006-08-18T09:49:36Z

Couple of links for you:

Samuel L Jackson in "Binary Liquids on a Plane" (Actually, not really, but read it - it's informative and quite funny)

Everyone's favourite former diplomat on the "terror plot".

lofiallstar @ 2006-08-09T13:42:00

2006-08-09T12:42:54Z

I spent last week (Monday to Monday) here: Dordogne Jazz Summer School.

I was there for the second week, playing piano, and went with a friend of mine who's a bass clarinet player.

Having endured Stansted (joined the check-in queue as soon as it opened, and were still in a hell of a rush to get on the plane) we had a fairly painless flight down to Bergerac, where we were met by a very friendly driver who took us to the Chateau where it all happens.

Sharing the minibus with us were Phil Robson. the guitar tutor for the week, Julian Siegel (Sax tutor) and Chris Batchelor (Trumpet tutor). After a ride of about 45 mins through the French countryside, we arrived at the Chateau, which even in the middle of the night (well, 11pm) was breathtaking. After a drink and a very good bite to eat, we wandered down to the cave (the room at the bottom of the Chateau's tower) to listen to some playing. It was fairly disorganised, but a great atmosphere, and very relaxing to just sit with a beer and listen after a fairly long journey.

Next morning dawned bright and (far too fucking) early, with the large bell in the courtyard being rung at 8am to signify breakfast, and the course proper got started.

Each day was a mixture of things. In the morning you'd either have an instrumental lesson and a workshop group, or a workshop group and a masterclass. (The workshop groups were where you were divided into small bands and worked on a specific tune with one of the tutors (a different tutor everyday, whcih was great). Then, after a leisurely lunch, you'd go to the big bands for the afternoon, which was one of Soul, Salsa or Mingus. Both my friend and I chose Soul (more of which later). These finished at 4, at which point you had a couple of hours to yourself.

At 6, "organised" jamming began in the restaurant (which was on the side of a hill, and open on 3 sides). You could put yourself down to do a song, either singly or in a group, and the tutors would organize some rhythm and other players to play it with you. This went on for an hour each day, and then each group had to perform the workshop piece they'd worked on that day.

Dinner then followed, after which there was typically a concert, either by the tutors or by a traditional french song group who were sharing the place with us (I'll leave you to guess which I preferred...). Finially, you could end the night as late as you liked either by drinking in the bar, or jamming in the cave (or both, which was my preference).

Things followed in this rough format for 5 days. On the last (taught) day, there was no jamming before dinner, but a large concert after dinner, at which you performed your favourite two numbers from the workshop band, and all three of the pieces you'd done with the bigger groups ("What's Going On", "Knock on Wood" and "Soul Man", if you were wondering). Then we all got pissed till about 5 in the morning.

Overall, the entire experience was wonderful, and I can't wait to go back - the surroundings, atmosphere and company were all wonderful, and the opportunity to live music 24/7 is hard to beat.

Some downsides:

- The accomodation was rudimentary, but I knew it was going to be (it was only £475 for an entire week's food, wine, accomodation and tuition, so I was surprised they weren't putting us up in cardboard boxes). However, if you're fond of your creature comforts, you could stay at a nearby B&B and pay slightly less.
- There wasn't as much instrumental tuition as I would've liked, but I understand the time contraints all the teachers were working under, and that the purpose of the course is not really to teach you to play your instruments.
- The soul band was a little basic in standard (I was by far the least accomplished pianist there, but I play in a soul band, so I knew this stuff), and it sometimes got a little frustrating having to hang around for someone to learn something pretty rudimentary. Also, there were two keys players in this band, and the other guy had a tendency to play very busily, not leaving much room for me (or the guitar) - he was a very good pianist, but I got the impression he hadn't done that much playing with bands.
- It's knackering - I don't think I went to bed before 2am any night, and was up at 8am every morning. Some nights were much later (this is, of course, self-inflicted - you could retire at 11 each night and spend the whole week fresh as a daisy).
- They served tripe one night, which nearly made me vomit.

If it seems like I've got loads of complaints here, it really shouldn't - most of them were trivial or my fault, and the only reason I can remember them is because I spent the vast majority of the week in a blissful haze, just grinning at the fact of how lucky I was to be there.

It was also a tremendously humbling experience for me - I arrived thinking I had the basic stuff pretty much sorted. I really, really don't.

On the whole, everything about it combined to make a fantastic week that I can highly recoomend to anyone, regardless of instrument or ability.

What I did this weekend.

2006-06-26T12:27:34Z

I was in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot on Friday, and to frank, it was rubbish - hugely overcrowded (even the stewards admitted this), far too hot to be wearing morning dress, bloody expensive (c.f. Morning dress), the girl we were there with suddenly decided she wasn't getting enough attention, and suddenly it turned out she'd "sprained her ankle" several hours earlier, but had been putting up with the pain up until then. All of a sudden, she was completely crippled and we had to hobble over to the First Aid centre, where we spent an hour, and missed the last of the races.

I was driving, so couldn't enjoy the delights of the overpriced bar, and C's malingering friend decided she'd like a lift back with us, rather than with her parents (who we were with, and parked next to). Given that this was about an hour's detour to drop her off, I was less than entirely impressed.

Finally, to add insult to injury, I learned from C on Saturday that the girl's parents are asking each of us for £25 for the picnic we had. Admittedly, the picnic was very good, but a) it'd be nice to have been told in advance and b) how flipping stingy is that? (I was very impressed to learn that C immediately shot back with "Oh, well, shall we take £10 off Tom's share to cover the petrol?" - that's my girl :))

This girl's parents have asked for my number for any future sailing expeditions. Frankly, I'm not sure I can afford it...

On the upside, I met Alan Titchmarsh (who seemed a little bemused by the young man in top hat and tails shouting "Hurry the f*** up, you mangey old nag"), so that makes everything OK.

Oh, and I saw the Queen and Phil the Greek. She's very short.

Rant over :)

Sunday saw me awake till 7 in the morning playing poker and seeing my better half onto a coach bound for Heathrow (she's going to Cuba for two weeks, and hopefully bringing me back some Cohibas).

One frequently-interrupted and not particularly restful snooze later, I was in the pub in Reading, watching the England match. Won't comment on it, as many others have already said everything I could. Went back home, had another snooze, and went back to the pub to watch Portugal v Holland. We were sat next to a couple of rather attractive young dutch ladies, and that in now way influenced our decision to support Holland in that farce of a game.

There was a large group of Portuguese fans in the pub (it's a sports bar, with lots of TVs) but they were content to enjoy the match alongside the dutch supporters. At full time, however, a group of very noisy and very drunk English fans decided they wanted a fight, and started picking one with the portuguese supporters. The bouncers, in their infinite wisdom, decided that the right course of action was to remove the perfectly passive portuguese supporters from the pub, rather than the moronic englishmen that were actually causing the trouble (presumably because it was easier for them). The behaviour of this bunch of idiots, compounded by the preference for an easy life (rather than actually doing the right thing) of the bouncers, totally ruined what would otherwise have been a really enjoyable evening, and we slunk off home, feeling rather embarrassed that we shared a nationality with people like that.

NB: Saturday we had a BBQ and party that was thoroughly enjoyable. :)

A public request

2006-05-11T07:46:04Z

Could people please stop wrapping themselves around bridges/lamp posts on the A329M? Ta.

Possible replacement for my car

2006-03-23T13:56:14Z

Courtesy of a colleague, the perfect city runabout.

Be sure to check the questions.

Gig report: Mojo at the Magnet Leisure centre, Maidenhead

2006-03-06T11:33:34Z

Big gig on Saturday night.

This was the big one - what we'd been practicing for for months. It was a charity gig, with a band called Dogfish supporting, in aid of cancer research. The venue was a sports hall/auditorium of a leisure centre, and we'd sold all 450 tickets (making it, I think, the biggest non-orchestral gig I've played).

Arrived mid-afternoon, and was slightly overawed by the size of the room. After the usual faffing around, we were set up and started to soundcheck. I was slightly annoyed that I was running in mono and didn't have my own monitor, let alone my own monitor mix - given that there was a pro PA company running the sound, I'd really have expected a bit more. Other than that, the sound guys were a really friendly bunch and did a great job on the sound out front.

Once we were about as sorted as we were going to be, some of us went off for a bite to eat and a coffee (this was actually the first gig I've ever played without drinking a drop - I never play drunk (well, I did it once, and never again), but I normally have a couple of beers to calm the nerves - this time, though, I wanted to be as on the ball as possible). Given the amount of time we had to play with, a visit to a certain gentlemen's establishment in Maidenhead was mooted, but decided against (swines...), so we wandered back to the venue and the long, hard wait began ((c) Steve Earle).

Dogfish's set was great, and it turns out it was the singer's first gig with the band - nothing like starting small. I think the older members of the audience were a little bemused by the Metallica and Megadeath covers, but I loved them, as did the younger crowd, and by the end there were quite a few out front moshing (I would've joined them, but I was wearing a suit and would've looked even more of a dick than I usually do when attempting to dance).

Just after they'd finished, my girlfriend turned up, which was realy nice - she'd been having trouble getting public transport there (she'd set off 3 hours earlier, from 30 miles away), and I really appreciated seeing her.

Anyway, 10pm saw us onstage, and me seriously bricking it. However, launched into the first couple of songs, everything was going well, and I started to relax. I'd been using an organ patch up till that point, and switched to a piano one. Unfortunately, this was (or at least seemed to be) about twice the volume, which was rather worrying - I had to spend the rest of the night adjusting volume levels on my keyboard, and knew that until the break after the first set, the sound guy wouldn't know what was going on and would keep having to adjust my levels.

Other than that, the first set went off pretty well, and people were up and dancing. The second set was not as good - I personally made quite a few mistakes, and the band as a whole was a lot less tight. That said, there were a couple of hundred people up dancing, which was great, and I'm not sure they noticed the mistakes (I found myself playing the wrong chord at the end of a blues boogie song, which has got me worrying that I was in the wrong key the whole way through, which would be dreadful...).

In the end, regardless of how we played, everyone seemed to have a great night, and just as importantly, we raised over £5K for cancer research, so all in all, I'm pretty chuffed.

I'll do more practice for next time, though (/the lazy musician's mantra).

Irony

2006-02-10T14:41:58Z

Don't ask how I found this, but go Here and click on the "Animal Welfare" link at the bottom right...

With a certain sense of dread...

2005-11-15T11:07:39Z

New meme - reply with a comment containing just one word to describe me, then do the same thing in your own LJ.

(NB "Drunkard" is not allowed)

But everyone knows Assembly, don't they?

2005-11-15T10:54:25Z

Sheffield and Holland

2005-11-14T16:18:13Z

Been away for the last week, thought I might write (moan) a bit about what I've been up to.

Warning: Quite a lot of possibly dull stuff follows.

On Thursday, I get told I'm being sent to do some work on a customer site in Holland. Fair enough, it's part of the job, and the guy I was to be going with had already booked my hotel and flights, so it wouldn't be much hassle.

Turn up to work on Friday to be told that we're actually flying out on Sunday afternoon, and the latest flight we could get was 5.30, meaning I needed to be at Heathrow by 3.30. Annoying for two reasons - 1) I don't particularly like having to (effectively) work on a Sunday, especially if I'm not getting paid any extra for it, and 2) The Missus and I were going to a wedding in Sheffield all day Saturday and had already paid for a hotel for Friday and Saturday.

Anyway, the wedding was great - at a pub/restaurant/function place called the Maynard Arms in Grindleford - lovely old building in the middle of nowhere, out on the moors. Felt a bit like the start of a horror movie on the way there from the church, though - 4 soft southerners in a taxi being driven out over the moors by a dour Yorkshireman...

The only downsides to the wedding were that I smoked like a chimney, and we didn't get to bed till 2.30AM, which I wasn't delighted about. The next morning dawned far too soon, and 11 o'clock found us standing in the pouring rain at Sheffield train station. I'd now like to take a moment to provide a public service announcement:

"Dear Retards, When the rules regarding quiet carriages on trains state "No Mobile Phones or Personal Stereos", that's what they mean. Not "No mobiles or stereos unless you really really want to use them".

You may consider your phonecall important enough to break the rules and disturb my peace and quiet, but unless the gist of the call was "I've just been informed of a signalling failure at Luton, and if you don't stop this train, we're all going to die", I don't. And even then, go and make the call from the vestibule area or something. Similarly stereos - are you *that* sure of your taste in music that you think everyone else in the carriage wants to hear a tinny, high-pitched rendition of it from your shitty headphones from 20 foot away?"

As you may have gathered, my journey to London from Sheffield wasn't a particularly relaxing one. All credit to the missus, though, who went to have a word with one of the worst offenders (unlike me, who just added to the ball of suppressed rage deep inside). Anyway, the rest of the day went smoothly, and 9pm found us in Germany, making a mad dash for the Dutch border to the hotel, where they supposedly stopped serving food at 9.30. Turns out they just switch to the night menu after that, but given that I had smoked salmon as a starter and a fantastic steak for a main course, I wasn't complaining.

The entire week was spent working very long hours in a desperately dull office block in the middle of nowhere. Lunch was a sandwich bought from a petrol station, as everywhere else was too far to drive. The only high points were a great greek meal one evening, a table tennis table on site and ragging the hire car (a "Chevrolet" (i.e. Daewoo)) round the car park.

Some my readers (well, either of them) may know that I'm not terribly fond of flying. Therefore, not even the calming effects of 4 pints of potent weissbier did much to console me when the captain on the return flight announced we were about to hit some bumpy weather. This was a shame, as the flight out had been absolutely fine, and my usual state of terror hadn't materialised. Fortunately, despite a landing that reminded me strongly of some of the poorer efforts on the Krypton Factor, an hour later I collapsed in my girlfriend's flat, where I proceeded to sleep for about 14 hours.

And then the next day my mates came down and we watched England win the rugby and the football, and all was well with the world.

Separated at birth

2005-10-28T14:17:52Z

Failed Supreme Court Nominee Harriet Miers.

Terrahawks' sworn enemy Zelda.

I'm great, and I never doubted it...

2005-10-28T13:18:28Z

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8
Mind:	7.8
Body:	6.9
Spirit:	9.5
Friends/Family:	6.2
Love:	6.9
Finance:	7.4
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

What a bunch of utter arse.

Hmm.

2005-10-26T11:20:40Z

From the BBC's website's "Have Your Say" section, on banning smoking in public places:

"Every time a parentsmokes theymakethemselves smellofcigarettes Children of smokers,eventinybabies,grow up associatingthe smell of cigarettes with affection and loving attention. Each time asmokerparentcuddles their child theyare signing adeath sentence forthem This must stop Smokerparentsdonotrealisethatyoucan smellifaperson has been smoking when they walkintoaroom Thesmell getseverywhereeven ifyousmoke outside youbreatheitoutwhen youreturn"

There are many valid reasons for banning smoking in public places. Li'l Miss "WhenYouSmokeBabyJesusCries" here, however, gives a rather more convincing argument for killing stupid people.

lofiallstar @ 2005-10-24T14:44:00

2005-10-24T13:47:14Z

Turns out I'm some kind of hippy (though I'm slightly confused by their map - what does Scientology have to do with science? (What does JudeoChristianity have to do with science, for that matter...))

You fit in with:
Spiritualism

Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.

60% spiritual.
100% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

lofiallstar @ 2005-10-06T15:58:00

2005-10-06T15:00:09Z

You scored as River Tam. The Fugitive. You are clever and dangerous, which is a nasty combination. The fact you are crazy too just adds to your charm. They did bad things to you, but you know their secrets. They will regret how they made you.

</td>

River Tam

88%

Hoban 'Wash' Washburne

75%

Shepherd Derrial Book

75%

Kaylee Frye

69%

Inara Serra

69%

The Operative

63%

Capt. Mal Reynolds

63%

Simon Tam

44%

Zoe Alleyne Washburne

44%

Jayne Cobb

31%

Which Serenity character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

I don't have the slightest idea what Serenity is. But I like being called clever and dangerous.

This really couldn't be less true...

2005-09-16T09:31:48Z

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

New Band

2005-09-04T13:23:12Z

I have to say, when I signed up to play piano in a blues band, sunburn wasn't particularly high on the list of things to worry about. As it turns out, this was an oversight...

Anyway, first gig with my new band (Mojo) yesterday afternoon, at a Sergeant's Mess on an RAF base. Took *ages* to get through security, and when we did get through, there were some disagreements about stage time (it was about 12.45, and they wanted us to play from 2.30-3.30 and 4.30-5.30, which we weren't terribly keen on, as some of us had other commitments for the evening). Anyway, this all got sorted and we took to the stage (outside, in blazing sunshine, dressed in the requisite black suits...) for our first hour's set.

All in all, I thought it could've been worse (given that I've only had 3 weeks and 3 rehearsals to learn a 2 hour set), but could also have been a lot better - I don't think I made any glaring errors, but some of my attempts at improvised solos were truly atrocious (Note to self: Next time, have some "composed" solos in the bag to use if your mind goes blank).

The crowd were fairly few in number, and not obviously appreciative during the gig, but when we finished, they wouldn't stop clapping till we came back on and played an encore. Also, our departing guitarist asked me if I wanted to dep occasionally with his other band, and the promoter took my number and asked if he could ring me when he needed piano for his band or others he works with, so I guess I can't have sucked to badly :)

Anyway, not a bad way to earn £20 on a Saturday afternoon. The only downsides were the aforementioned sunburn (which is really quite bad) and the fact they want us back to play their Christmas bash (this sounds like a good thing till you find out they want 2 x 1.5 hour sets - that's a *lot* of music).

Service With A Grimace

2005-08-10T12:40:09Z

This evening (barring Terrorist-related twatiness), I'm off up to the Smoke to meet up with some friends. As is my wont, I shall take the train, but unfortunately my Young Person's Railcard (which gets me 1/3 off fares (and yes, I'm still a young person, thankyou very much)) had expired and needing renewing. Being the kind, sensitive soul I am, I decided that I'd inconvenience far fewer people by doing this at lunchtime, rather than the evening rush hour, when I'm planning to travel.

So, in my precious lunchbreak, I traipse down to the station, pull out the leaflet from the racks, and enquire politely of the woman behind the desk "Do I need to fill the entire form, or just the renewal bit?". The sullen reply of "Yes" wasn't particularly useful. When pressed, she reluctantly informed me I needed to fill out the whole thing. I asked if she'd mind me borrowing her pen, and she told me it was the only one she had. Which would've been fair enough, were I not the only person in the ticket office...

Anyway, I wander to NatWest in town where, in a remarkable show of generosity SouthWest trains could learn from, they have pens available for customer use, I fill out my form and return to the Ticket Office of Despair.

The way our friendly ticket clerk greets my return is as if I'd just run over her cat. Twice. She operates her little revolving thing before I've finished arranging the papers on it, and as a result it sticks half way round. She then tuts at me as if this is my fault. Said revolving thing is presumably to stop someone pushing a gun barrel through the hole, and if this level of service is typical, it's probably extremely necessary. Other highlights included a long pause where she stopped what she was doing and glared at me. Sensing some action was required on my part, I raised an eyebrow and said "Hmm?". "20" came the reply. A leap of logic lead me to realize she was requesting payment for the card, and given that twenty pence seemed rather cheap, I assumed she was after twenty pounds. After payment was completed and I had my spangly new Railcard, I started to walk away (My "Thankyou" was not acknowledged, let alone returned), then turned back and said "You don't... like... your job much, do you?". She didn't reply.

I'm not after the sort of false-happiness that infests American-centric companies - I don't need you to be delighted that I've chosen SouthWest Trains for my travelling needs and is there anything else you can help me with, OK have a nice day now. I just expect politeness and civility to be returned.

Christ, I'm turning into my dad.